That moment when you suddenly realized all the things you’ve been missing.

I both love and hate watching movies. Weird. Yup.

I love watching movies because it distresses me, it entertains me,  plus I get to discover things and see pretty faces and places. However, I hate it as much as I love it because I get to realize things. I realize how boring my life is, how many frustrations I have, how many things I’ve been missing in my life, how desperate I am, and how I try to cover things and pretend everything is just fine with me.

I just watched Change-Up, the movie starred by Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman. Two best friends with extremely different lives had experienced a play of fate. Each envies the other because of the life each has. And when they exchanged lives, they realized the joys and sadness of having and not having their lives. In the end of course, they ended up wanting their own life. Watching the movie made me admit that the life I have now is really dull. Dull in a sense that I don’t get to do other things in my life. It’s too routinary and monotonous. I’m hindered by different people, responsibilities, and beliefs they impose on me. I envied how Mitch (Ryan Reynolds) lived his life at the same time pitied Dave’s (Jason Bateman) monotonous life. I saw my life on the latter’s shoes. I saw how I wanted to go out, play, explore, eat, run, sleep, dance, sing, travel, etc. and I saw how restricted I am to do so. I just get to taste a bit of those (that I am very thankful for) and sometimes I want to spend a little more time for those not because I want to totally escape from my true life but to make myself remember that life is more than the works, stresses, and pressures around me. Life is full of other things that could make you feel fulfilled and happy. I feel sad to be hindered by my parents to explore my teenage life. Yes they love me and they care for me so much but that love and care yields so much fear. Fear of trying. Fear of letting me live life. And because of that, my growth is limited. I believe that learning is best gained through experience. If all of us will be afraid trying, doing, and risking, how could we grow? How could we appreciate the beauty of life? Mistakes are normal. Failures are normal. We learn best from them. (At this point, I’m so wishing parents could read this.)

Back to the movie thing. Adding to my hate is the fact that sometimes, I end up crying all night after watching a movie and I couldn’t really sleep because of it. Hahaha. I couldn’t get over especially if I can totally relate to it. However, on the love side, movies make me love them because they inspire me, they give me hope. It might be considered as false hope at times but, still it’s hope. And I believe that nothing is impossible. Anything can happen and it all starts in believing, in hoping.

Even if I seem to be bipolar on movies, I’ll still be totally addicted in watching. 🙂 Whatever emotions or realizations it may bring me, I’d be open.  It’s part of growth. I’ll just make sure that  rather than the frustrations, I’ll focus on the hope and good realizations each movie brings me.

After all, life is still so good. 🙂