Caring Gone Bad


I am a type of person who cares a lot for the people important to me. I really do mean “caring a lot”.
I think it is innate in me. I treat people this way ever since I was kid that’s why it’s hard for me to deviate from it.

Caring is good. It’s a value that most, I think, should have. But there could be times, that caring can cause more harm–to the situation per se or the emotions of the person you care for.

Just earlier, I was giving opinions and advices to a friend. I know he’s feeling down about the situation he’s going through and that’s quite blocking his mind. Hoping to give hope and enlightenment, I asked questions and gave opinions. He felt irritated. He got mad since he’s a type of person who accepts opinions negatively. He’s used to doing and handling things on his own. It pisses him off when he hears opinions and advises he doesn’t want to hear. For him, people don’t understand what he truly feels.

I got offended. For me, I was just trying to help and expressing my care. I felt rejected and  efforts taken for granted.

Just before my emotions were turned into anger, I realized that we are two different people having different attitude and perspective in life. We handle things differently and I should respect our differences. I should avoid expecting him to see and treat things as I do. I thought the type of caring I give is the standard to all, acceptable to all. But no, it isn’t. I admit that I felt pissed off at first. Sa isip isip ko, ako na nga natulong at nagaalala ako pa masama.

I even questioned, is caring now bad? And my answer is never. What could be wrong is the way we express our care. I was stuck treating people the way I think I should, the way how I want to be treated. I thought what can make me feel better can also make other people feel better. In times of trouble, I lean to others, I share. I seek their advice and opinions. But for some, it doesn’t work that way. They prefer it done on their own, kept from others. And there’s nothing bad about that. People are diverse and we have to respect that. I have to respect his feelings and views in life.

I am worried right now. Worried that he might not talk to me anymore because I got him offended. But, again, I have to respect that. No matter how much I want us to talk about it right now, I have to control myself.  For me that will work, but for him it could just worse things. Maybe silence would help him. Maybe not talking about the problem would help him.

I might face several values and perspective discrepancies in the future, nonetheless I won’t stop caring. Never. Maybe, I just have to be flexible in expressing my care, mature enough to respect our differences, and strong enough to rationalized my emotions.