Just Put Me to Sleep

I’m close to freaking out or just passing out or just urgh, I don’t know. I need my sanity and focus back. God. Could I just block all the other things that bother me? I want to escape. I feel dampen which is totally unhealthy for my academics. The real thing in my academics is yet to come–few days more and it’s on. I seriously don’t know how to deal with this right now. I wanna go out but don’t know where to go to, organize my thoughts but don’t know where to start. Am I totally lost?

Something or someone has to have a great impact to me that I’d be moved from this. I.HAVE.TO.BE.OK… Now. What is that something or who is that someone which could move me?

Do you think sleeping is good? Would it help? How I wish that tomorrow everything will fall into how they should really be (or is this how things should really be? No, please). This should be better. I can’t be stuck on this. I’d be more damaged if I continue facing every single day with this kind of disposition.

Someone save me.
Or at least put me to sleep, please.

Explore a bit more! Visit my Tumblr site ;)

Explore a bit more! Visit my Tumblr site 😉

Aside from narrative blogging, I also do photo blog. And yes, it’s as random as my thoughts here. I used to just reblog photos but lately I’ve been uploading my own shots too. 

Visit if you’re killing some time and you’re into photography! 🙂

L-O-V-E Adviser under Renovation

I am 20 and I got pretty much experiences on love (or were they really “love” experiences or just some mixed emotions jumble in my heart and mind?)

I got lots to say on relationships and love and I thank my pasts (both officially and not officially ones) for that. I’ve been into head-over-heels relationships and heartbreaking relationships. During those days, I talk much about love or at least what I think is appropriate for a certain kind of situation when my friends ask me some sort of “experienced advice”. Well lately, I’ve been straying away from talking about it. I don’t know why really. I admit that I am in-love with love and all the beautiful and magical moments that could happen when you feel that. And maybe, that’s why I got lots to say about it. I’m passionate on love–on the feeling per se, the people in-love, and the experiences on it.

Well, currently, my mind and mouth are shut about it. I have little to say about love which is kind of unusual of me. I am not used to this. I couldn’t even figure out why I don’t want to talk about it yet nor give people my opinion on their love situations (which I used to love to do). Maybe when I had my boundary of getting hurt last year, not just my heart had a break from being in-love but in being insightful on love as well. I know the learnings are still in me. The experiences taught me many things no one else could teach me. I feel different now. Really. I miss being passionate on love. I, as of the moment, could be in-love. It’s just either I don’t admit it or I just don’t dive into love again, fully, like how I used to be.

I know I would be back–me loving again and giving insights on love. Maybe I’m just on the phase of renovating myself. The foundation is still there, grounded well by the experiences. I know after the “renovation” I could love even more, love more wisely,  and give love insights which are more meaningful.

Still, I’m not giving up on love. Never.

Intimidating could be Good (at times)

I am intimidating?
I am intimidating.
Both a question and a statement indeed.

People regard me as someone who snobs or doesn’t even care to have glimpse when they pass. UNAFFABLE. Perfect word for how some or most perceive me. But why? They say there’s something about my eyes, eyebrows, and hair. I think I have an almond-ish sharp eyes, slightly arc shape brows, and curly long hair. Most of the people I ask about why do I look unaffable answer those three parts of my body. And some say with how I look, overall.

I am not sure if being intimidating goes with this as well. Is unaffable or looking unaffable directly related to intimidating? I’m not really sure but I sometimes think it is. But hmm, I know few people who know that I’m really the opposite of unaffable but still see me as intimidating. Still because of my body parts? Get up? Hmmm.

Fact : I am friendly, approachable, and generally nice to people (even to strangers). I have witnesses for this. :p

Going back, earlier, someone confirmed the oh-this-girl-is-intimidating feel I have is true. I look intimidating and I even do intimidate him. I was worried. I don’t want to intimidate anyone (well case to case basis–e.g work or facing perverts–wherein intimidation could be positive). And I especially don’t want to intimidate him. But suprisingly, he considered the intimidation positive. ‘It’s actually great’ were actually his response. I thought it would be bad but thank goodness not for him. I don’t know why it’s ok but as long as he feels ok about it, I’m more than good on it. Adding to my surprise is the fact that I think he is way better than me as a whole. I even get shy on him for I think I’m little below his level of wit. But hey, thank you for seeing this issue as great. You are amazing as always. 🙂

It’s good for him but how about other people? It could be otherwise on them. The intimidating vibe I have could make them scared then stay away from me and not try to befriend me. Or! Have that as their first and last impression of me. I hope not, really. But if I do give out that kind of vibe to other people, I’d see to it to ALWAYS SMILE on them at least to equalize the intimidating vibe. I couldn’t change my brows and eyes. I love my style and even if I’d have my hair straightened, I think nothing would change so, in short, I think I really have this feel. I am trying to level this off swear.

What I hope is for other people who see me as intimidating to have the same reaction as to the one I mentioned as ‘he’ a while ago. I hope it’s no bad for them like how he sees me. I am hoping for this ‘intimidation’ to be some sort of inspiration. I don’t know how though but when they see me I wish to give out some good vibes on them and not scare them away. Or if I do intimidate them, I hope that feeling would push them to be better than the person they are. Please just don’t hate me or be mad at me. This aura of mine is more or less inborn.
Plus, the whole aura I give out isn’t always how am I as a person. It doesn’t define me. I could be the totally opposite of that. I might look ‘smart’ or ‘mature’ or ‘tough’ or ‘unaffable’ as some people see me) but oh God, you could be better than me on all sort of things. Trust me. I know some who tell me I am intimidating but as a matter fact, it’s them who intimidate me because of their personality, wit, and creativity.

Yes. I do intimidate. But, I also get intimidated by people who think that they don’t. You guys are very very awesome in ways you might just don’t realize.

To people who get intimidated, treat that as a challenge or an inspiration to always always improve and develop. Don’t let the intimidation scare you and most especially give you a prejudice of who the person really is.