When You Love


They say, love hurts. Others say, if it’s true love, it won’t hurt. I say love will hurt but if it’s true, pain will eventually fade away.

Love hurts because people who love, sacrifice. Love without sacrifice isn’t true love. And in this, I firmly believe. Sacrifice cause of love comes in different ways–for your partner, your family, friends, and all other humanity.

We all have choices in life and the choices we choose aren’t always what we want or what we think will make us happy. Nonetheless, we let go of what we want for the people we love, we love truly. We sometimes see opportunities, chances, and people go away because we sacrifice them. It will hurt of course. Loving with sacrificing will never be easy. But it will be fulfilling; maybe not now but in time.

They say life is how we make it. It’s true. We all have the freedom to choose and do what we want. That’s why I salute you people, who sacrifice your life choices for the people you love.

When in Relationship


When you love, love truly. But always make sure it’s just enough–enough for your partner to feel he/she is truly loved and just enough for you that when everything ends up, you won’t shatter into pieces.

Being in a relationship doesn’t only require the capability to commit but also the capability to get out of it. Commitment and true love build a genuine relationship but reality is, in life nothing is certain. Even the seemingly perfect relationship can end up, and one should realize that even the relationship starts.
Be committed. Be faithful in the relationship you have. Keep it burning. But always keep in mind that everything may end. In the long run, the relationship will only either end or be on the next level. Always hope for bringing it up to the next level but prepare yourself that it may end up in the end.

We may not be sure if our relationships will last forever. But if we genuinely love our partner, we’ll do our best to make it happen.

I’m Winning This


Before, I was focused looking for someone who would understand the entirety of me, but now I am challenged to be better. I want to be better for you. 

I felt blessed when God gave me people who tried to understand me. But now I feel more blessed because he gave me someone who just doesn’t understand me but inspires me to be better. This feeling is different, very different. This time, I realize that I just don’t need a mere understanding from others, particularly from someone special to me. I also have to change, be better. Not totally change the whole me but my flaws, evolve, be better.

I get scared when I feel weak, when I feel it’s hard for me to change. It’s like some of the things that make me weak were inborn. I sometimes feel hopeless on them. But I swear, I’m fighting. I could have fought before but I’m fighting more now. I’m doing my best to gain all the will I could just to not lose on this.

Some could just laugh at this or see this as a petty problem of mine. But seriously, this drags me down. I don’t want to drag you down too together with me because of this. You matter to me, so so much. That’s why no matter how hard this is for me, I’m not giving up. Just please hold on. Please.

Babe, sorry..
for thinking too much
for letting my emotions beat me
for all the internal and external loads I bear and for you always hearing them.

I say sorry not because I did something wrong to you. I say sorry because I know you don’t want to see me
having a hard time on this. I don’t want to worry you anymore, or make you sad. Making you worried or sad in any way because of me, saddens me.

Just as much as you want to be not a burden to me, I want to be your lighter side too.  Just as much as you want to make me happy, I want to give you more reasons to be happy too. I just always want to make you feel loved. 

It’s always the hardest when yourself is your own enemy. It’s like you don’t know how to beat yourself. But again, I can’t lose this. I’ll let this move me every single day. For you, and myself. For us. I’ll stay positive.  You deserve the best, no matter who you are and what you have right now, you still deserve the best. Please trust me when I say I’ll be better.

Thank you for always keeping the faith in me.

Blessed


Remember how I explicitly tell in my blogs that I’m in doubt of falling in love?
That doubt is now gone.

To you, the extra but definitely big blessing who came into my life, thank you for removing my doubt. Thank you for removing my fear and anxiety. Yes. There’s still a bit of them but I feel it, sincerely, that the next chapters of my life having you will totally remove those hindrances on believing in love. Truly, words can’t sometimes express that ardent feeling of love, of why you are in love. When you came, words telling where-have-you-been-all-my-life and i-must-have-done-something-really-good-to-have-you-in-my-life were uttered out of my lips. Yet, those words weren’t still enough to disclose how I feel.

You are the total opposite of everything I thought I just deserve. You made me feel my worth. When you came, you gave me back my sense of worth and delicacy. The love and respect I thought I’d never found are found in you. You are the brighter side of all the heartaches I felt. I thank God for leading the way to you. Like how you are a blessing to me now, I’ll do my best to be a blessing to you as well. Everyday, you still never fail to amaze me. You never fail to be a God’s blessing for me.

I’m certainly feeling that there’s no need to count in how long we’ve known and been with each other, cause we, whatever we have right now, goes beyond time. We transcend time.

Thank you for believing and trusting me especially in the times where I lose mine for myself.

To my supporter, best friend, partner in crime, shoulder to cry on, my gentle driver, my number one fan, body guard, my lighter side of everything, I love you.

We may get through rough roads, but I trust the foundation we have. I trust you. We won’t falter.

To infinity and beyond 🙂

20130919-024000.jpg

Pursuit of Seeing the Beauty


Some people say I’m pretty or I got prettier already compared to how I look before. Truth is, no matter how they try to compliment me, there are still more times than less that I feel ugly. Some may think of this as being unappreciative of what I have or fishing for more compliment as I neglect their compliment.

Lots of things happened that caused whatever feeling I have now. Yes, I sometimes think or feel I’m pretty but my insecurities conquer me. I’ve been rejected, taken for granted, and left by couple of guys before, guys whom I think were not that good looking, guys whom I think that shouldn’t let go of someone like me. I felt really bad. Wait change of tense. I still feel bad. I got over the guys and my feelings for them, but not with the effect or trauma they left me with.

I feel like I’m never enough and I’ll never be enough. For quite some times, I feel that my esteem and belief in myself is already improving, but still there are quite some instances which bring back that lowly feeling. I am not sure how people perceive this or react to this. They probably get pissed off me but explaining would be tiring.

It feels heavy. It feels heavy and hard when you yourself don’t have that full confidence and trust on what you have, on who you are. It’s like no matter how people see me as strong person, no matter how I act or carry on with this tough chic persona, there will always be something in me that feels weak, shy, afraid, and insecure. I am thankful that I can oppose these feeling at times and just hide them for quite some time. But still, it’s there. I feel it. I can’t totally cover them up. There are several times which I really feel like crumbling and crying and hiding. Worst, if I could just leave me and exchange with other person, I’d probably choose that.

Easy for others. Easy for others. Easy to say accept-who-you-are-love-yourself but urgh… To those, especially those girls who feel low about themselves, may it be in any aspect of your being, take your time healing and believing in yourself. Myriads of encouragements and pressure could be bombarding you, but I know it’s not as easy as swallowing them all and then with a snap, you got a changed view of yourself. Take time. Take time. I trust in the essence of time and self reconstructing–hope that these really work though. But definitely, a lot of things, especially self conflict issues couldn’t be solved in a rush. It takes time, more heartaches, and doubts before maybe having a better outlook and firm trust of ourself–who we are and what we have. Meanwhile, carry on with the pain and that lowly feeling. If we can’t get over it yet, let’s just not be eaten by it.

It Skipped a Beat


Pardon me. This is an another love post.

I’m having my dinner with music playing on my ipod. One of the wedding songs I like suddenly played then my heart started to thumped. It really did.

I want to love. I wanted to be loved. I miss hugging someone and feeling secured in the boundaries of his arms. I miss holding a hand feeling the warmth we share. I miss kissing someone’s lips, making me feel I am the only one. Just a sweet short kiss is enough, just a short kiss. I miss someone looking me in my eyes making me feel I am special and accepted. I miss someone caring how my day went, if I already ate, already got home. I miss feeling valuable. I miss the cliche goodmorning-goodnight messages which start and end my day with a smile. I miss having a shoulder whom I can lean my head on when I’m sleepy on a trip. I miss someone wiping my tears and hugging me then with his comfort, I know it everything will be fine. I know I have someone with me along the way. I miss the long lingering with his company making me forget what the time is. I miss sharing my inner most thoughts without feeling judged but rather understood and accepted. I miss having little fights but still fixing things before going to sleep cause our love is greater than the situation. I miss the random talks, teasing, joking, trips, making me feel we are growing in the love we share and we can’t never ever be boring. I miss how can someone make me laugh hard and never makes me tired of being with him. I miss how inspired I could be just by the thought that I am in love and I am loved.

Cliche? Overrated? Fine. Yes, could be. But that’s still how I hope my relationship would be.

I miss loving. I miss being loved.

To you, the guy I can feel I’m falling into, you are making me feel that it’s still possible, that heaven could still bless me with the love I hoped for. You make me feel it’s possible by how we share each other’s company. Thank you for the every single thing you do and all the moments we share. I always want to share more times with you. It’s like you make my dream come true little by little.

Yes, I am scared. You just don’t know how hard I control myself to not give in into my feelings. I fight falling cause I’m not ready for another heartache. I’ve been through enough. I’m scared you’re not feeling the same way and not catch me the moment I fall. I am scared cause I don’t want to lose you. I’m afraid that I might crash things the moment I totally fall for you. You just don’t know how you make me happy, how you keep on inspiring me. You are different, believe me you are amazingly different, that’s why I treasure you.

‘Di naman ganun ka-harsh ang pagibig para saktan ka pang muli.’
I am hoping for that. I hope fate is in favor with me now.

L-O-V-E Adviser under Renovation


I am 20 and I got pretty much experiences on love (or were they really “love” experiences or just some mixed emotions jumble in my heart and mind?)

I got lots to say on relationships and love and I thank my pasts (both officially and not officially ones) for that. I’ve been into head-over-heels relationships and heartbreaking relationships. During those days, I talk much about love or at least what I think is appropriate for a certain kind of situation when my friends ask me some sort of “experienced advice”. Well lately, I’ve been straying away from talking about it. I don’t know why really. I admit that I am in-love with love and all the beautiful and magical moments that could happen when you feel that. And maybe, that’s why I got lots to say about it. I’m passionate on love–on the feeling per se, the people in-love, and the experiences on it.

Well, currently, my mind and mouth are shut about it. I have little to say about love which is kind of unusual of me. I am not used to this. I couldn’t even figure out why I don’t want to talk about it yet nor give people my opinion on their love situations (which I used to love to do). Maybe when I had my boundary of getting hurt last year, not just my heart had a break from being in-love but in being insightful on love as well. I know the learnings are still in me. The experiences taught me many things no one else could teach me. I feel different now. Really. I miss being passionate on love. I, as of the moment, could be in-love. It’s just either I don’t admit it or I just don’t dive into love again, fully, like how I used to be.

I know I would be back–me loving again and giving insights on love. Maybe I’m just on the phase of renovating myself. The foundation is still there, grounded well by the experiences. I know after the “renovation” I could love even more, love more wisely,  and give love insights which are more meaningful.

Still, I’m not giving up on love. Never.

“Piggybabes” to “Be”


Like most of younger siblings, I too got bullied and had snobbish moments with my older sibling. I am the youngest and luckily, I have a bully brother before me. He really was a bully and aloof towards me. I used to envy my friends who have older brother or sister who is very caring, sweet, and close to them. Never did I think that my brother would change. He was mean to me, BIGTIME. He treated me like not even a single gene was common in our body, like we were not from the same womb who bore us! I cried a lot of times of course. I prayed for my brother for years. And amazingly, a miracle happened!!

We’re not the closest sibling but we have improved, seriously! Things started to cool down between us when he was in his college years. He became a relatively caring and sweet. He asks for my opinion on his outfits–which I very much like of course! He even asks me to accompany him to malls when he is to buy something. Before, he didn’t even want people to know we’re siblings. Haha. Him, going out with me, is totally a miracle! Also, never did we talk about personal things like friendship, lovelife, etc. but now, just lately really, we started to talk about them. I felt that we’re starting to build a strong bond–which really really have to especially we’re just two. It was my dream to have a talk with my brother about lovelife/guys. I wanted his opinion as a guy and advice as mu brother. I opened up lately. At first, he showed indifference and lack of concern but eventually started to ask questions and gave me some advice. Cool right? 🙂 Though it wasn’t the deep talk and all, still, he talked to me about it! Haha. I really appreciated the concern I felt when he told me I should be careful. Really :”> We also now talk about opinions and stuff. That was awkward before. Talking was awkward now. Good thing it’s getting casual now. (I like our deep talks actually ;)) And now, we finally have a bond–I hope it’s consistent though. We are jogging/running/fitness buddies! He really takes care of me on this. I’m sincerely touched! I’m feeling his eagerness for me to move my body and start sweating. When I refuse to wake up early, he really drags my body off the bed. Funny situation really. And when jogging, he pushes me to go further. Ever since, I wanted to have a bond with my brother and now it’s happening. Hope we’re consistent on this! Healthy and fun way of bonding.

My brother has flaws, like me. I and my parents often face conflict in dealing with him. There are even times where I want him out of the house. But as I talk and bond with him, I feel that he’s not as bad and hard hearted as I thought him as. At least now, he’s changing. He may be rude, stubborn, selfish, and cold but there’s always the other side of those–this I am sure of. I feel it. I thank God for that. Years, I questioned God why my brother was like that before and why he wasn’t changing. I though God wasn’t answering me but now, I feel the miracle. Hope the changes continue. Still, no matter what, I won’t give up on him. He still got my back whatever what happens. 🙂 and oh, thank you for not calling me piggybabes anymore! haha ayiie love na niya ko. Be na ang tawag niya sakin”I love you too kuya! 🙂

20130527-135434.jpg

20130527-135602.jpg

20130527-135546.jpg

20130527-135634.jpg

It Goes Beyond the Action


Everything else was romantic but it just didn’t feel right.

These stargazers were so lovely. The way you surprised me, gave it to me, and serenaded me were as well lovely. I admit that it was the first time, ever, that a guy paid due courtesy just to ask if he could court me. That’s very gentleman of you. Thank you. It’s also the first time that someone made efforts to come up with a surprise like you did and first time for me to be serenaded. What you did is exactly how I dreamt to be treated by a guy who have feelings for me. The moment I heard the guitar playing and you singing, my heart was overwhelmed but on top of that were nervousness and desire to make you stop.
Everything was really sweet, just like in the movies. It was what I dreamt of for years ever since I was a kid, but it just felt so wrong. At that moment, I want everyone else be gone and make you stop.

I couldn’t bare someone taking too much efforts for something that I couldn’t requite. Well of course I want someone to make efforts for me. I’ve been into relationships which I mostly gave the efforts and it’s kind of frustrating–me giving much and getting less or me giving much and being take for granted abused (efforts wised).
I am sweet and romantic. I admit that. And before I was really hoping for something romantic to happen to me. I felt like I was worth something special when you had the surprise for me but it was just so wrong. I really asked myself why it felt such. It was very romantic but it was killing me, seriously. I actually worry about you. Did I make you feel down? I don’t want you to feel down or rejected or any feeling that could make you think you’re any less the person you are. That’s the reason why I wanted you to stop at that moment; I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to feel like how I felt before when people left me or rejected me. You are ok. You are really ok. It’s just that I don’t feel it.
I think, we could really feel that ‘thing’ if the person is the right one. I wanted to be extra sure on this feeling lately. I’ve been through pains and I just want to guard myself. I could have given you the chance but that could mean more hurting especially on your part. I could have chosen to be treated extra special like if I allowed you to court me; I could take advantage but it kills my conscience. So me, not giving you a chance is not because I’m selfish or anything. I just don’t want your efforts be into waste cause I know how it feels and I don’t want to hurt you even more.

When I told you ‘no’, things of course changed. You used to be a good friend of mine. Even though you told me you’d still stay the same, I knew you wouldn’t. I actually hoped for that cause I know it wouldn’t be easy for you. You were sincere, I felt it. And it’s better if we would really be distant. It’s safer for you. I got sad when our friendship fell down. But, it’s better choice to save yourself.

Thank you for making me realize something. That cheezy romantic stuff I’ve been dreaming of is less of what I really want. I thought it’s enough to just experience that, that it could really make me happy. But, I realized that any action could be special or romantic as long as you feel the same feeling for the person doing it. The simplest act in the world could be the sweetest as long as it’s the person you love who did it for you. Thank you for letting me mature on thoughts of having that romantic shiz in the movies.

And oh, these flowers really did smell good!! Plus, they’re pretty. You went beyond the roses, good point there. Guys, why don’t you try giving stargazers or anything beyond roses? 🙂

20130505-192135.jpg