Before, I was focused looking for someone who would understand the entirety of me, but now I am challenged to be better. I want to be better for you.
I felt blessed when God gave me people who tried to understand me. But now I feel more blessed because he gave me someone who just doesn’t understand me but inspires me to be better. This feeling is different, very different. This time, I realize that I just don’t need a mere understanding from others, particularly from someone special to me. I also have to change, be better. Not totally change the whole me but my flaws, evolve, be better.
I get scared when I feel weak, when I feel it’s hard for me to change. It’s like some of the things that make me weak were inborn. I sometimes feel hopeless on them. But I swear, I’m fighting. I could have fought before but I’m fighting more now. I’m doing my best to gain all the will I could just to not lose on this.
Some could just laugh at this or see this as a petty problem of mine. But seriously, this drags me down. I don’t want to drag you down too together with me because of this. You matter to me, so so much. That’s why no matter how hard this is for me, I’m not giving up. Just please hold on. Please.
for thinking too much
for letting my emotions beat me
for all the internal and external loads I bear and for you always hearing them.
I say sorry not because I did something wrong to you. I say sorry because I know you don’t want to see me
having a hard time on this. I don’t want to worry you anymore, or make you sad. Making you worried or sad in any way because of me, saddens me.
Just as much as you want to be not a burden to me, I want to be your lighter side too. Just as much as you want to make me happy, I want to give you more reasons to be happy too. I just always want to make you feel loved.
It’s always the hardest when yourself is your own enemy. It’s like you don’t know how to beat yourself. But again, I can’t lose this. I’ll let this move me every single day. For you, and myself. For us. I’ll stay positive. You deserve the best, no matter who you are and what you have right now, you still deserve the best. Please trust me when I say I’ll be better.
Thank you for always keeping the faith in me.